Nightmare Eisegesis! Steven Furtick Says God Blesses all your Sins/ Messes

Steven Furtick is the Lead Pastor of Elevation Church. As head of Southern Baptist-associated, 25,000-member multisite campus with 17 locations, he is known for having the term “narcegesis” (narcissistic exegesis) named after him based on his inability to exegete scripture in a way that doesn’t make every story revolve around him, as well as his penchant to wear outfits that cost more than most mortgages and buddying up to Trinity-Denier T.D Jakes.

Last year he replaced Kenneth Copeland at the always-heretical TBN, filling the role of the Innkeeper Monsieur Thénardier from the musical Les Miserables (TBN being the Inn), with these “Masters of the house” doing whatever is the theological equivalent of “Charge ’em for the lice/Extra for the mice/Two percent for looking in the mirror twice” in his efforts to promote his brand of prosperity preaching.

He also recently said that ‘God is a Molecular Structure’, laughed at the notion of ‘Twerking for the Lord?’, went on a Wild, Wild, Willllldd Rant about Betas and Blessings, went on another Rant About Angels that got Weird Quick and screamed ‘I Am God Almighty!’ in a sermon. All that while saying that God Doesn’t Make You into a New Creation. Oh yeah, he also had that Infamous Coloring Book about Himself.

During his February 27, 2022 sermon, Furtick went elbows-deep into a vat of narcegesis, juggling the heads of the sheep in order to entertain the goats by absolutely butchering the text. This was done to make the story of the creation of Adam into a man-worshipping flagellation-fest where God is playing the part of a squealing 9-year old girl at a Harry Styles concert, overcome with emotion at how wonderful you are. Apart of the impossibility of making the text say the things he claims it does via an honest assessment and engagement with it, he nonetheless explains that since God is making us from a mess, for this reason he will take our mess and bless it.

The whole statement oozes with a sort of hyper-deterministic grace, where God sees your mess,(i.e your sins) and the ramifications of your sins, and instead of you having to repent of your sins and give yourself over to some good old-fashioned metanoia, God’s just gonna do it anyway- bless your mess in order to solve your situation and keep you from the consequences of it.

(Side Note. Don’t even get us started on the fact that he’s wearing a David Bowie shirt- that God-hating, gender-fluid, bisexual pagan front and center to preach his sermon)

Watch this! Bible nerds wave at me. Bible nerds wave at me. Bible nerds wave at me- you love this little stuff. You don’t just need a cliche to rhyme and you don’t need it all to start with the same letter, but you really love the Word of God. This is for you.

When God told the land to produce vegetation, the land brought it forth. When God told the waters to bring forth the fish, it said that God Himself brought them forth. But now, I’m going to blow your mind even more. When he got ready to create you- you! Messed up you. When he got ready to make you, he did something he didn’t do for the birds, the worms, the moon, the stars, the Big Dipper, the Little Dipper, the octopus, the crabs, the lobster, none of them did he do this for.

He bent down. And up until this point, everything he made he made with his mouth, because he spoke it. When he made me, he got down in the dirt and made me by hand. Who are you? ‘What is man’, the psalmist said ‘that God is mindful’ or the Son of Man, that you would visit him, that God would stoop down in the dirt? And that divinity would touch dirt?

And God didn’t leave it up to the land to bring you forth. He got his hands dirty. God rolled up his sleeves. Now I need everybody who’s got a messy situation in your life right now to know what your maker did when this whole thing God started. He rolled up his sleeves and he said, ‘I’ll make the moon with my mouth. I can hang it with a syllable. ‘Moon!’ And the moon said ‘yes’ And the Lord said ‘hang!’ and the moon say ‘yes’. And the Lord says ‘shine’ and the moon said ‘alright’.

But when it got down to you, (screams.) So it seems to me if we believe Genesis 1:26 that I was made from a mess in the image of my maker, that there is no mess in my life right now that I cannot bring to my maker and expect him to say “I’ll bless it anyway”.

My god. All right. All right. All right. Somebody shout ‘I’m blessed. I’m blessed because God said I’m blessed’. And hey, let me throw this in. In case some of you got any haters: what God blessed no man can curse.”

The narcegesis burns. It burns so badly.

But did we really expect any different?

4 thoughts on “Nightmare Eisegesis! Steven Furtick Says God Blesses all your Sins/ Messes

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  2. there’s seriously something wrong with this dude. I know he wants to be cool for the casuals (i.e. lukewarm) and non-believers, but trust me, most non-believers think this dude is a weirdo. So he just lost them AND real believers. That’s what you get for trying to please everyone.

  3. It’s always the same thing with these heretics who count on the ignorance of scripture of those they fleece just like it was in the Roman Catholic Church that I grew up in. That’s why the Pope and Kenneth Copeland are good buddies.

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