No pun intended, though.
Emerging into today’s Twitter battle like an obese child gleefully cannonballing into a lake on the first day of fat camp, Kyle J. Howard impugned “token blacks” for marrying non-black women.
On the social media platform, which has not yet fact-checked Howard’s claims to have once led the gang-life or tales of spending his summer hunting wolverines in Alaska with his cousins, the Comintern “racial trauma counselor” (he doesn’t have any real clients and lives in a house owned by his affluent parents) made the eyebrow-raising comments.
Howard said, “It’s no coincidence that the black men who awe used as tokens to pwomote and enable white supwemacy awe almost ALWAYS mawwied to white women. That’s how exoticism wowks. They sacrwifice thew blackness to have white and the white weceives them so long as blackness is mewely thew body” (the above quotation was translated to accommodate for Howard’s “trans-cultural accent.”
It’s important to keep in mind that Howard is 75% non-black. And it’s also important to keep in mind that most of that which is non-black is Caucasian. In other words, if Kyle J. Howard got a reparations check, he would only get 25% and the other 75% would have to be paid by himself.
Regardless, Howard isn’t getting a reparations check any time soon, because the 25% of him that is actually black is not descended from American slaves, despite Howard blaming slavery for his life’s ills. And his life’s ills are pretty slim, considering Howard has more white privilege than the vast majority of humans who read this blog.
Raised in a two-parent, mixed ethnicity (half white) household, Howard grew up in an affluent Atlanta suburb by attorneys. He then went to seminary at some point in his later twenties, after which he manufactured a false life story that included being an intern for HeartCry Missionary Society (not true) and having been in a top-secret Crips gang that no one – including his parents or wife – knew about. As the story is told, it’s the nicest Crips gang on the planet, who let him depart from the thug life after being accepted into college.
We surmise that by “Crips” the transcultural-accented fellow meant “cribs” and was referring to the He-Man Woman Haters club he joined as a toddler because literally, nobody believes he was an underground battle rapper and gang member, as he claims.
But back to the news, Howard’s words eviscerating the Token Negro who escaped the Democrat plantation for marrying the devil white woman…
This is Voddie Baucham and his wife.
We think she’s a beautiful lady, but if a police officer used a window tint meter, she’d be outlawed in 47 states.
Sure, that’s just one example, but probably the most prominent. We presume Howard is going after fellow Twitter warrior, Samuel Sey, whose wife is of a fairer complexion…or another like Sey who don’t seem prejudicial to skin tone.
Or perhaps, Howard is going after Moses, an olive-skinned, Middle Eastern Jew who married outside of his race, probably because he was a self-loathing Jew-hater who just wanted acceptance among the Cushites and marrying the black woman was just genetic colonialism any how. In all seriousness, we don’t know how the rules of logic work in Howard’s world and if this applies to other races or just black people theoretically trying get their white on by marrying lily-white crackers.
Absurdities aside (or maybe not), this is Kyle J. Howard’s wife.
Vy Truong is Asian. She is very Asian, which is to say, not very black. Is Howard trying to get in good among the Asians? Of course, the question is pure silliness, but it’s a silliness that Howard himself invented.
To lay it out plainly, Howard’s children are less black than Tiger Woods and more white than Michael Jackson. Is this a sign of his being a race-traitor? Nah, it just demonstrates that Howard found a lovely Asian girl to marry (good on him).
The Holy Bible clearly condemns this type of racialist thinking…
There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus (Galatians 3:28).
We can only guess that a substantial portion of Howard’s night is regularly spent cuddled up in the fetal position inside the safe space created by his pillow fort, lamenting that he married a non-black lady who is considered by Critical Race Theory as white.
Yeah, it doesn’t make sense to us, either. But Critical Race Theory holds that “Whiteness” is tantamount to “privilege” and “Blackness” is tantamount to oppression. Believe it or not, that’s the perspective of Ibram Kendi and other progenitors of “Anti-Racism” and Cultural Marxism, who view both Jews and Asians as White within their ideology.
This is why Black radicals, like Howard, opposed Trump forbidding Ivy League schools from discriminating against Asians (because they generally excel) and applauded Biden reversing the policy against anti-Asian discrimination on his second day in office.
In other words, according to Critical Race Theory, not only did Howard marry a white woman, he married a Super White Woman with a privilege cape.
Where his street cred, tho? That’s pretty bougie of him. It’s like trying to maintain gangsta credentials while driving a Prius. But those Priuses get great gas mileage and age gracefully even if they are manufactured in Japan, so who cares?
If my fixation on race offends you, please be reminded that my only fixation with race is that is shouldn’t be fixated upon at all. This entire conversation is the doing of Kyle J. Howard, whose only job skill seems to be tweeting with utter disregard for self-awareness (which explains why he’s unemployed in his mid-thirties).
[Editor’s Note: Contributed by JD Hall, who married a girl so white she glows in the dark and he’s now unsure how to feel about it]