ELCA Leader in a Polyamorous/'Ethically Non-Monogamous' Relationship

Extraordinary Lutheran Ministries (ELM) is a “professional community for publicly identified Lutheran LGBTQIA+ rostered leaders, candidates, and seminarians” that is dedicated to “raising the visibility of extraordinary leaders and ending discrimination towards people for reasons of sexual orientation and gender identity.”

Through their candidacy accompaniment, the group provides “support and advocacy for LGBTQIA+ persons in the Lutheran candidacy process through direct work with candidates, and relationship and resource development for synods, seminaries, candidacy committees, and other church leaders.”

ELM is a key player in the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America, which really is one of the most wretched hives of scum and villainy, which we’ve covered a length many times.

ELCA Considers Expelling all Conservative, Anti-LGBTQ Pastors from their Midst
Church Holds’ Pride Worship Service’ Featuring all LGBTQ Songs
Woke Church Newsletter Invites Congregants To Help Pay for Abortions and Abortion Pills
Pastrix Says Jesus Called Syrophoenician Woman a ‘B*****’ + “Jesus Screwed Up, She Redeems Him”
Queer ELCA Pastrix Ordained With Drag Queen Nuns While Jennifer Knapp Serenades

In a recent Facebook post, ELM shares that one of the ELCA’s rostered Leaders is in a polygamous relationship but has decided not to share the name because “ELCA policy would endanger the call of a person.” Still, they offer that this polygamous relationship is a “beautiful example of the love and care of a Triune God who is relationship” despite this being in actuality an example of a lost pagan with a demon in their ear, whoring around and blaspheming God.

During the pandemic, I moved halfway across the country to be with the person I love, but if you asked me, it was because I had family in the state and community in the city that I moved to. Why couldn’t I be open and honest? Because the ELCA still has a policy that clergy cannot “cohabitate”.(Editor’s Note. For now) So terrified of sexual joy and liberation, and the prerequisite conversations, the ELCA has just decided sex in marriage=always good, sex outside marriage=always bad, and spending the hours between 12am and 7am together in a house, apartment, or room are the only times to have sex and sex will definitely happen then. I’m not actually sure I know anyone for whom the above guidelines for sex are 100% accurate.
Why haven’t I been public about my current relationship? Well, aside from the fact that we are living together (strike one), my partner has another partner who also lives with us.
As someone who practices relationship anarchy, I deeply value the many different relationships I have, from my biological family to my chosen family; from sexual and romantic relationships to platonic ones; from best friends to my relationship with their kids. All of these relationships matter to me and one is not placed above the other (as our culture requires for cisheteronormative monogamy). When I do get married, I won’t be marrying my best friend because I already have one (a few actually).
But even then, the ELCA requires legal marriage for relationships to count and may be codifying it, depending on how the Sexuality Statement revisions play out. So what do we do? Already people don’t understand when I talk about living with other adults in shared housing. They don’t seem to understand the financial need for shared housing due to out-of-control rental and housing costs. They also don’t seem to understand the particularly queer nature of chosen family. Right now our household includes me, my partner, their other partner, my partner’s sister, and her girlfriend. We share a house because it’s a financial necessity and because we are chosen family together. Because “we rise together.”
We are family. We give each other rides to work, plan our groceries together, argue about dishes, and wish everyone would leave our bathroom shelf alone. We cover each other when one is short on rent and together plan on how to support our elderly parents in the twilight of their lives. Our porch is where we have family meetings, we plan for the future, and we dream about getting a dog.
Things will change and we will eventually be able to be public about our love and commitments to each other. For now, we rest in our shared relationships and the ways we are able to be out in our neighborhood and among our close friends and family.