Op-Ed: Should You Attend the Wedding of a Man Sleeping With His Father’s Wife?
Last year during a Truth for Life program, Alistair Begg offered a scenario where a Christian woman called in saying that her grandson is about to marry a ‘transgendered person’ and wanted to know if she should attend the wedding.
Noting that “people may not like this answer,” Begg explained that as long as her grandson knows that she believes it is sinful and she does not agree with it, then she SHOULD attend the ceremony, and even buy them a gift, because if not, her absence will simply reinforce the fact that she is “judgmental” and “critical.”
While Begg was excoriated for the advice he stuck to his guns, including in a recent video for the Expositor’s collective. Given his dedication, we wonder what happens when you substitute another sexually sinful relationship in the place of the one he posited?
Does the advice still hold up with the grandmother attending the wedding of a father marrying his own daughter, or a brother marrying his own sister?
In the spirit of seeking to give a “compassionate” answer, what possible reason would Begg have to balk at advising someone to attend these weddings and bring them gifts, but not the transgender couple? These two scenarios at least have the right genders, and seem perfectly reasonable parallels to the grandmother’s dilemma.
But there is also a biblical reference we could substitute for, found in 1 Corinthians 5:
It is actually reported that there is sexual immorality among you, and of a kind that even pagans do not tolerate: A man is sleeping with his father’s wife. And you are proud! Shouldn’t you rather have gone into mourning and have put out of your fellowship the man who has been doing this? For my part, even though I am not physically present, I am with you in spirit. As one who is present with you in this way, I have already passed judgment in the name of our Lord Jesus on the one who has been doing this. So when you are assembled and I am with you in spirit, and the power of our Lord Jesus is present, hand this man over to Satan for the destruction of the flesh, so that his spirit may be saved on the day of the Lord.
Suppose that man wants to take it to the next level and put a ring on it. Let’s review his original comments and then his updated commentary from earlier this week, with the only changes being the addition of this new scenario, seen in the bold text, to see what sort of advice Begg would likely give first century church congregants who know this man and his father’s wife, and don’t want to be seen as “judgmental” or “critical” by refusing to attend their wedding.
And in very specific areas this comes across. I mean, you and I know that we field questions all the time that go along the lines of “My son is about to be married to his father’s wife and I don’t know what to do about this, and I’m calling to ask you to tell me what to do”—which is a huge responsibility.
And in a conversation like that just a few days ago—and people may not like this answer—but I asked the grandmother, “Does your son understand your belief in Jesus?”
“Yes.”
“Does your son understand that your belief in Jesus makes it such that you can’t countenance in any affirming way the choices that he has made in life?”
“Yes.”
I said, “Well then, okay. As long as he knows that, then I suggest that you do go to the ceremony. And I suggest that you buy them a gift.” “Oh,” she said, “what?” She was caught off guard. I said, “Well, here’s the thing: your love for them may catch them off guard, but your absence will simply reinforce the fact that they said, ‘These people are what I always thought: judgmental, critical, unprepared to countenance anything.’”
And it is a fine line, isn’t it? It really is. And people need to work out their own salvation with fear and trembling. But I think we’re going to take that risk. We’re going to have to take that risk a lot more if we want to build bridges into the hearts and lives of those who don’t understand Jesus and don’t understand that he is a King.
Here’s how Begg shared the story on the Expositor’s Collective. Again, changes in bold.
And so I phoned her up. And in the conversation on the phone, that’s how it went. She said, ‘you know, they’re going to get married. What do I do?’ I said, well, you got to talk to your husband. You got to think it out. And then I said to her, does your son know your views?
‘Oh yes’, she says ‘he knows’. Does he know that you’re opposed to his lifestyle because of what the Bible says? ‘Oh yes, he knows that too.’
And so I said, he obviously assumes that whatever this event is that there’s going to take place, he would assume on the strength of that, that you would not be present. She said, ‘yeah, that’s right’. I said, so the only way that you could disavow him of that notion would be to be present.I said, because if he knows that you’re opposed to that and you show up, he’s not going to say, ‘oh, my grandmother came because she has changed her view.’ He’s going to say, ‘my grandmother came because she loves me.’
I said, you’ve got to figure that stuff out for yourself. I’m just saying..I said, you know, I’d go. I think I’d go. I think I’d go. And maybe I’d take him a gift. That was it. OK.
While Begg believes he would attend the wedding and bring them a gift, it’s difficult to imagine the Apostle Paul co-signing his decision.
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Redeemed Zoomer should welcome Alistair Crowley, I mean Alistair Begg, into the PCUSA, since that denomination is pro-gay.
It really is time to bring up the denomination when discussing pastors, shame the denomination for putting up with heretics like this. And if he is non-denominational then shame him for being a church of one man. This pretence that all Protestants are in the same church that Evangelicals are putting out is more dangerous than anything else to the church. Bring denominationalism back. If Alistair Begg is in my denomination then I want to know so that excommunication proceedings can be begun. If he’s not then I dismiss him as a heathen irs agent. So simple.
What if the grandchild was joining the KKK, would the grandmother go the the klan rally and buy them a gift. No way, anyone being seen there would know your attendance at such an event would show you were at least sympathetic towards their cause.
The word used on 1 Cor. 5:1 is “porneia”, and in verses 9 and 11, “pornois” and “pornos”. The chapter addresses any and all sexual immorality, and the prescribed response (which is the most loving, because God is the most loving), is to not associate. It is to “purge the evil person from among you”. The world doesn’t understand how and why this is the most righteous, good, and loving response, because the world has no concern for eternal matters, the judgment that is to come, and their eternal fate. The way God says to deal with things is the way that will most likely call them to true and genuine repentance. If there are no consequences now, then how much worse will it be for them on the day of judgment? That is the point of verse 5, and 12-13.
Substitution of one sin for another, in the case of this article one form of porneia for another, is a good reasoning exercise, useful for exposing the inconsistency (and wickedness of the heart), but it’s also important to remember that our prescribed response, how we are to deal with certain sins versus others, is not always the same. For example, we aren’t told to disassociate from somebody who’s given to the sin of worry. And, in some cases the continuance of a particular sin is not a factor. Such as 1 Cor. 5, once was enough. The man wasn’t even given an opportunity to repent. He was immediately kicked out, no ifs ands or buts. And the reason, I believe, is that the worser sins are always the result of a continuance in lesser sins. There may not be a continence in any specific sin, but there is a continuance in sinfulness. It is the sort of sin that culminates from a continuance in sins prior, being led by the flesh and serving the flesh.