Liberal Denom Introduces Insane ‘Who Will Speak for the Trees?’ Resolution at General Synod

Lest anyone had doubts that the United Church of Christ denomination (UCC) is about as crazy as a rat in a coffee can when it comes to their progressive policies and practices, delegates from the New Hampshire Conference introduced a bizarre resolution at the mainline Protestant denomination’s General Synod that reads like some bizarre version of The Lorax mixed with pagan Gaia worship.

Taking place during this week, the Who will speak for the Trees?” A Resolution on the Rights of Nature” stood out from the usual progressive resolutions about transexual rights screeds and anti-Israel embargos by beginning with some good old fashion scare tactics, explaining that “The manifestations of climate change have radically escalated with increased severity, and it is more than likely we have ten years to dramatically change our relationship to nature” or else it will all be too late.

Getting particularly pagan, the resolution proposes that Christians no longer see trees as “objects” or “commodities” or view nature as an “it” but rather insists that we must see creation and nature as a “Thou” that is “alive with the presence of God’s Spirit and part of God’s beloved community.”

They explain that “Humans need a dramatic shift from the point of view that the Earth and all her resources are available to our sole benefit” given that “Nature is not there for enslavement, and it is wrong for people of faith to view nature as property that we own and may abuse.” It’s for this reason that they “call for prophetic action by listening to the cries of the Earth and by adopting this “Rights of Nature” declaration.”

Naturally, they list some ‘resolvements’ and they are about what you’d expect from an apostate denomination who’d just as soon have a mother Gaia statues crucified on a cross instead of Jesus, if not for the fact that the act of cutting down the tree to make the cross is likely the unpardonable sin.

-Foster respect and gratitude for Nature as divine gift. Combat attitudes of relegating Nature as mere capital for profit nor trashed as dumping ground for toxic waste.
-Promote the rights to Nature to be free from undue human harm, the right of healthy habitants, the right to species flourishing.
-Promote the rights of Nature to have a fair share of the bio-region and its goods
-Promote the rights of Nature to fulfill their ecological potential without undue human infringements.

-Participate in the Season of Creation for September Sundays. Include Creation care during each liturgical season (Earth-seders, Tenebrae, Easter sunrise service outdoors, and Earth Day.
-Preach every six weeks often on Earth Justice.
-Ritualize environmental grief: Bio-Diversity Day and have days of remembrance for Lost (and extinct) Species.
-Start environmental grief support groups.
-Become a Creation Justice Church and Green Hub of God’s green grace
-Work for the Green New Deal
-Advocate for the Rights of Nature and take part in climate strikes and non-violent protests.

Thankfully, the denomination is in a death spiral, occupied by seditious seasoned citizens and confused queer kids, and is projected to lose 80% of their membership over the next 30 years- frustrating their ability to plant their particular plot of paganism ever again.

h/t to Juicy Ecumenism


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2 thoughts on “Liberal Denom Introduces Insane ‘Who Will Speak for the Trees?’ Resolution at General Synod

  1. That’s not crazier than a rat in a coffee can, that’s crazier than a shaved rat trapped in a coffee can that’s inside of an outhouse.

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