Pat Robertson Randomly Cures Woman’s Breast Cancer in Under 2 Seconds

Televangelist Pat Robertson, 90, the living embodiment of the expression “creeping decrepitude has finally crept up on me,” took to the airwaves and cured a woman’s cancer, all without the woman knowning she had it.

Robertson is no stranger to self-contradiction and absurdity. He’s been deceiving millions of people for literally decades, telling supporters that it’s ok for a husband to divorce a wife with Alzheimer’s, that Christians who believe in creationism are stupid, blaming wives for their husbands cheating on them, and a host of other nonsensical things.

Where most faith healers would pray in response to a specific prayer request or a revelation of a medical concern, Robertson has eschewed all that. Now, he’s declaring that people have cancer and is curing it all in one breath, making his already ridiculous claims of supernatural healing all the more unfalsifiable:

There’s somebody…is the name Minerva…it looks like there’s a lump in your right breast, and it’s cancer, and God is going to heal this. You’ll feel, like, a burning in that breast. You want to touch it? Do so, and God has just healed you in Jesus’ name.

Of course, this sort of chicanery makes those who donate to him large sums of cash feel all the more better, knowing their boy is healing people right left and center, and they are contributing to that healing and miraculous work.

What can we say, it’s one hell of a scam, and Robertson has perfected it.

[Editor’s note: Make no mistake. Pat Robertson is not a Christian. There will literally be hell to pay if he doesn’t repent.]


h/t to the hive of scum and villainy known as the Friendly Atheist for the video and transcript.

2 thoughts on “Pat Robertson Randomly Cures Woman’s Breast Cancer in Under 2 Seconds

  1. “One hell of a scam” is an inappropriate use of the word “hell.” Hell is not a filler word or a word to be employed for emphasis, as you have done, but a place of unimaginable horror, a place where doomed sinners weep and wail in torment, a place without any hope, rest, or relief. Your use of the word strips it of its true horror and is a display of gross irreverence. Please stop this and repent. You should know better.

  2. Buy my reckoning, old Pat doesn’t have much time. Remember when he actually had the nerve to run for president. When was that?

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *