Rave in the Nave? Anglican Church Holds Silent Disco in Canterbury Cathedral in Bid to 'Attract Younger People'

The Anglican Church opened up Canterbury Cathedral for a silent rave earlier this week in a desperate and shameless bid to “attract younger people” to the decaying and decrepit denomination.

For decades, the deplorable Anglican denomination has been drifting on issues of theology and human sexuality, proving time and time again the 26 million members are not the least bit committed to upholding the biblical teachings but instead adopting the worst excesses of the woke movement in a pathetic and desperate attempt at relevancy.

Led by Justin Welby, the impish and effete Archbishop of Canterbury, the Church of England long ago abandoned all biblical fidelity to the scriptures and has been doing their damnedest to desecrate the faith they once had, seen recently in their caving to LGBTQ and voting to bless same-sex civil marriages in the church.

Over 3000 ravegoers adorned themselves in LED lights and donned headphones to dance the night away in the cathedral, which St. Augustine founded in 597 AD and is recognized as a World Heritage Site. Choosing what music style they wished- Red for hip-hop/R&B, blue for alternative, and green for dance and pop music- most of the bands hailed from the nineties and included Britney Spears, Vengaboys, Snoop Dogg, Spice Girls, Lauryn Hill, Blur, TLC, and Eminem.

Not all were thrilled at the prospect of the rave, however. One woman who organized a petition against it, Cajetan Skowronski, bemoaned the event and rightly discerned this for the desperate and pitiful grab it is.

“It will not bring young people closer to Christ; rather, it will send the message that Christ and his church, and all the truth, beauty, and goodness it has to offer, are unimportant. That entertainment deserves our attention more than God, that Christians do not take their faith or their holy places seriously.”

In response to the pushback, the Dean of Canterbury, Reverend David Monteith, said, “Cathedrals have always been part of community life in a way much wider than their prime focus as centers of Christian worship and mission…There are many different views on the secular and the sacred. Our 90s-themed silent disco will be appropriate to and respectful of the cathedral – it is categorically not a ‘rave in the nave’ – but I appreciate that some will never agree that dancing and pop music have a place within cathedrals…Whilst dancing of all different kinds has happened in the cathedral over the centuries, there are many different views on the secular and the sacred.”