Jen Hatmaker’s Ex-Husband Responds to Her Memoir, Challenges Her Narrative and Claims
Jen Hatmaker’s former husband, Brandon Hatmaker, has responded to the stories she painted about their divorce in her recent memoir, challenging her narrative and disputing some of her telling of the account.
Hatmaker, the Queen Bee of mommy bloggers, has been on a media tour to promote her new memoir Awake, which she describes as “deeply personal and provocative.” Notably, it deals with her divorce from her former husband, after she discovered him cheating, and it’s this story which has consumed most media attention.
In a 3,000-word Substack, Brandon offers some “perspective” to the story, writing in part:
The lowest moment of my life was my very public affair five years ago. I caused so much pain and I brought so much humiliation into the lives of people that I loved. It was the culmination of a three-year personal spiral in which I had lost my anchor, felt no hope, and was the loneliest I’ve ever been in my life.
He adds however:
In no way do my circumstances excuse my actions. The purpose of this article is not to make excuses or rationalize anything, The purpose is to simply add context to a handful of areas where the vast majority, and nearly every new follower, is missing. It’s about a few items that don’t change what I did, but warrant some important distinctions – especially in areas that may cause someone to look more critically towards the church, make assumptions about someone I love, or fuel any personal angst or confusion they might be wrestling with personally.
Then gets to the point:
Jen has every right to share her piece of the story. I don’t blame her for that. But I believe there are some truths left out that paint a false narrative on topics that are truly important to me. I’m not saying what she wrote is untrue. I’m saying that what’s left unsaid isn’t her responsibility to tell.
One example he wished to correct is her claim that after the divorce, she was “left to parent five kids alone.” Not true, says Brandon.
My kids are my world. But if I were new to the Hatmaker story and read this, I would assume I was a deadbeat dad. That we had 5 young children at home, that I was unengaged, uncaring, and unsupportive. This narrative leads the reader to believe that I had stopped being a father, not just a husband.
This couldn’t be further from the truth.
To be clear, at the time of our divorce we had three adult kids and two teenagers. I know that I forever changed their story, but I was always available, was constantly engaged, and always supported them… and still do.
He openly rejects her suggestion that they were pastors when the affair happened, when in reality, he stepped down from the church staff in 2015, preached his last sermon in 2017, and the divorce occurred in 2020.
Brandon also objects to the narratives that “painted the picture that I was cold and uncaring after my affair was exposed,” saying he wasn’t at all, and talks about their divorce and the relationship they had:
I worried about us every day for years. I have lists still on my phone of things I tried to do daily, I initiated conversations but we just couldn’t find a common language, I went to counseling (alone) for three years prior to my affair, I felt invisible in my marriage, and I kept spiraling until there was no lower place to go. Jen and I eventually went to a handful of therapy sessions together – but to be honest – it was too late.
To have an affair was extremely new to me and not who I truly am. I had completely lost myself. My anger had turned to resentment, which turned to entitlement. There’s no affair story that isn’t gross, or secret, or deceptive. Mine was no different. I was in the middle of giving up and trying not to. And then I did.
And:
I didn’t handle everything well, or with sensitivity… and things just didn’t get better.
Until it did. I actually started to wonder and feel shreds of hope. Everything seemed very final but felt like it didn’t have to be. I reached out to Jen with these words:
“You explained how you feel and I understand. But you’ve never said that it is insurmountable. Yet that’s what you’ve conveyed to me. That’s what I felt and that’s what I gave in to. Is it?
We had years of no connection no intimacy no vulnerability. is it possible after what I’ve done to regain that? If I thought it was possible I would try with all my heart. But I also know that I’ve crushed you so deep that it’s likely this is not recoverable and I’m accepting that but you’ve never said it.
Please tell me if that’s where we are. If so, I won’t press you again.”
Her response back to me was thoughtful, and honest, and closed with a final statement…
“For me there is no path back to reconnection.”
That closed the book for me.
Lastly, he challenges the idea that the book is a tell-all:
If I was reviewing the book, I’d say, no. It’s really not a tell-all. From what I read I would estimate less than 5% if it is about the divorce. And that’s probably a generous number. What you’ve seen or heard in the promo is the majority of what is in the book. There’s no more tea spilled. The other 95% – among other things – is primarily about her life, deconstructing the systems she grew up in, and rebuilding after a failed marriage.
So where did the expectation of a “tell all” come from? I think a couple places. First, I think a lot of people just wanted it and filled in their own blanks. Second, one major magazine put out that language in a promo which they quickly recanted. The third, while the affair and divorce may only be 5% of the book, it feels like it’s been 95% of the promotion. Anyone hosting an interview, a show, or a podcast is certainly going to jump on that theme. It’s at the beginning of the book, and certainly the biggest hook.
Since the divorce, Brandon remarried, but not to the woman he had the affair with. Jen has been in a strange long-distance relationship for 3 or 4 years with artist Tyler Merritt.
For more on Jen Hatmaker:
Jen Hatmaker Shilling Sex Gummies and ‘Arousal Oils’
Jen Hatmaker Announces She’s Left the Church
Jen Hatmaker Org. Supports ‘Gender Affirming Care’ to Trans and Non-Binary Children, Ages 3-10
Jen Hatmaker Comes out as Pro-Choice
Jen Hatmaker: ‘The Center of the Church has Failed to be Black, Gay, and Transgendered’
Jen Hatmaker Awakens Her Mind to The ‘Mystery’ of ‘The Feminine Divine’
Another Jen Hatmaker Org. Brings Together Queer and Transgendered 6-Year-Olds for Playtime and Community
Jen Hatmaker Org. Supports ‘Gender Affirming Care’ for Children+ Gives Money to Groomers
Jen Hatmaker Celebrates Pride Month by Announcing New LGBTQIA2S+ Curriculum
Jen Hatmaker Mourns Loss of RBG, Says of Her: ‘Well done, good and faithful servant’
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