‘Anointed’ Supplements Make Naked Appeal to Christians

A new product has emerged that has put the “Jesus is the light of the world” Jesus-shaped flashlight with extra brilliant LED’s to absolute shame for how blatantly and nakedly ambitious it is in targeting Christians.

The Anointed Kingdom supplements promise such fantastical results in its marketing materials you’d think you were getting a shot of wheatgrass straight from the garden of Eden and cultivated by Adam himself, all for the sake of the kingdom of course.

The products promotes “finally unlock all day mental clarity, energy and focus in just minutes!” and asks:

  • Do You Have Trouble Focusing & Staying Attentive When Bible Studying?
  • Do You Often Feel Stressed & Anxious With The Time You Need to Spend In Prayer?
  • Do You Feel Like Learning & Retaining Scripture Is Difficult?
  • Do You Often Lose Track Of Time Only To Not Have Accomplished Anything?
  • Do You Often Feel Unmotivated To Do The Work You Know You Need To?

If so, then you’re in luck, as this product will make you a better Christian by enabling you to pray more and read and memorize your bible more.

Naturally, the makers of “Anointed” supplements have plastered this bible verse right on the bottle. Even before looking it up, there was a 100% certainty it was taken out of context.

Let your eyes look straight ahead, and your eyelids look right before you. Proverbs 4:25

They also have this 100% true, legitimate, honest-to-goodness-I-swear-this-is-a-real-review-and-Nathan-actually-does-exist review on their webpage, and you can tell it’s from a real person because he drops an “LOL” in it. Given that there is no place to actually rate the product, and the 5 stars and #1 Bestseller pictorials are stolen directly from Amazon, even though this product is not sold on Amazon, we doubt Nate old boy really is done with his first bottle.

As a fun fact, the minute you clock on the site a counter in the top starts counting down, letting you know that “Yes! this offer is still valid.” Lest you think it is legitimately time-sensitive, every time you refresh the page the timer resets its false sense of urgency and goes back to 17 minutes. Out of perverse curiosity, we waited for the time timer to count down to see what would happen, and wouldn’t you know it, it just resets back to “17 minutes left!”

As for the quality of the product goes, one observer pointed out that whatever mad chemist put this together wasn’t completely out of it, as the inclusion of Copper to support the Zinc is actually a sound practice that many supplement makers miss, and that the ratios of everything look good.

Still, you would not be mistaken for assuming that there is a better than 10% chance that this supplement is little more than a placebo or sugar pills based on the way it has been presented on its website. Where dishonesty, scripture twisting, and unashamed targeting of Christians exists for hopes of obtaining that sweet, sweet lucre goes, it’s not unreasonable to suppose that corners will be cut elsewhere too.

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