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Former Desiring God and TGC Author Paul Maxwell Describes in VIVID Detail how he Came to Lose his Faith

Several popular and prominent Christian figures have renounced their Christianity over the last couple of years including the former editor of Christianity Today, Mark Galli, popular Hillsong musician, Marty Sampson, purity culture pastor, Josh Harris, and recently Paul Maxwell.

Maxwell is a former Desiring God and TGC writer and the author of the book, The Trauma of Doctrine. He famously announced in April of 2021 that he had left the faith and deconverted, but left barely an explanation of what happened and what led him to repudiate his former beliefs.

In a new interview with famed apostate Josh Harris, Maxwell reveals what led him to this point, with an major focus on the need for self-esteem and the declaration that constant repentance was too draining on him, he swiftly demonstrated that truly he was never really of us. He shares:

I didn’t grow up or wasn’t raised a Christian, I became a Christian at a Youth for Christ conference when I was 16… I wanted to understand the Bible. So I went to Moody Bible College. And you know, it was at Moody that I read a book called Is There a Meaning in this Text by a guy named Kevin Vanhoozer, and that introduced me to some French post-modernists, the post-structuralist Jacques Derrida, in particular. And I had a real crisis of faith then at age 19.

You know, the idea that my whole life could be built on a text all of a sudden, didn’t make sense to me. And so Christianity wasn’t even so much the object of my doubt, as it was structuralism, which is a philosophical term for a way of approaching language that says, language, objectively means things. There’s a very strong connection between words and objects in the world. And I, I saw, I perceived a disillusion of that connection.

And the truth is, a lot of people at Moody and a lot of people in seminary go there because they sense a vocational calling on their lives- ‘I want to serve the church, I want to be a pastor’ – that was never me. I wanted to understand God, who is this God that I’ve devoted my life to? I want to know. And I want to know ‘why’ and I want to know ‘how’. And so for me, there were just unanswered questions that needed to get answered. And so I decided to stay a Christian.

And the truth is…when I announced that I wasn’t a Christian anymore, I think it was a combination of that seed that had been planted when I was 19, where I learned to kind of perforate my faith experience with genuine questioning, genuine questioning.

Because it’s one thing to say ‘doubts’, and then they say, ‘doubt your doubts’, and then ‘doubt the doubts of that’, you know, it’s an infinite feedback loop of doubt, but really saying ‘Wow, these things I believe, am I willing to genuinely entertain the notion that they’re not true?’ Or that truth doesn’t work the way it has to work for these claims to be what these people claim to be?

And so that manifested itself in a weird way for me, because initially, it was an intellectual question for me, obviously, these friends were like, Yeah, yada, yada, yada, all these intellectual questions. But ultimately, I realized I had an unworkable self-hatred that I had cultivated…and I did not have the tools to attain a level of what I felt was just a baseline normal, survivable mental wellness, and I didn’t know why.

He explains that after reading a book on self-esteem by Nathaniel Brandon, his whole mindset and worldview shifted:

And his claim in that book is essentially, in order to have the cognitive architecture of mental wellness, begins with esteeming the self, honoring the self, loving the self. And his definition of self-esteem, was what allowed me to let go of the version of Christianity I had held on to for so long, which is ‘self-esteem is the coordination of self-respect, and self-confidence, self-respect, being a conviction of one’s own worthiness and value, and self-confidence being a trust in one’s own mind and heart.’

And I thought ‘I don’t have either of those things’. And I realised if I have to choose between at least the way I’m manifesting and experiencing God through Christianity, and having self-esteem defined as ‘having the coordination of self-respect and self-confidence,’ I need self-esteem. I need this because it’s killing me not to happen.

It’s killing my relationships. It’s killing my perspective on the world. And I thought, ‘this is unworkable‘. So for me, you know, leaving Christianity in which for me, it was only letting go of the God concept as I had conceived it up to that time, was a matter of saying, ‘I am going to choose to love myself.

And there was a certain euphoria to that. There was a certain experience of that self-love that felt very much like what I felt when I originally converted to Christianity

And it was in that resonance that I realised what I did with God in terms of directing love towards the self dignifying the self, and then from there having a sense of mission. I can do without the God concepts. I don’t have to route self-love through a sense that I am undeserving of that love- that love is only ever a gift and a grace and undeserved. I thought wow, if I’m going to begin with self-respect, which is the conviction that I’m worth this love, then I have to insist on not routing that self love, through self hatred. And if I’m going to survive this life, and if I’m going to get pleasure and joy and bring pleasure and joy and purpose to other people, it’s going to be by beginning with the dignification of the self, and extending that to other people.

He concludes on why the concept of dying to self was so repulsive to him.

Christianity was the way I felt comfortable manifesting a lot of those unhealthy ways of thinking… but in Christianity, it was really- if I could really put my finger on…one reality, or one practice that I’m reified or ingrained, that sense of negativity that really detracted from that sense of the fullness of love that I felt when I when I converted to Christianity.

And this is maybe just one example of an infinite number of examples. But this idea of ‘the mortification of the flesh, repentance, daily repentance’ , it’s another way of always looking at the negative, or even if you’re not always looking at the negative, you’re at the very least always going back to the negative. You’re always going back to what’s wrong, what’s bad. And if you take the doctrinal, theological part out of it, and you just bring that to a mental health worker, that’s a neurotic way of thinking. And if you bring that to a positive psychologist, they’ll say, ‘Well, that’s going to be very detrimental to your self-esteem’

And I realised ‘I can’t do this. It’s too exhausting.’…Sure, I had my intellectual reasons for thinking that Christianity wasn’t true in that way, but I didn’t have the energy to be a Christian anymore. I didn’t have the psychological juice to keep that going, you know, my reservoir of love that I got in conversion. I think was sapped by those practices of repentance.

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DC Talk’s Kevin Max Renounces His Faith, Promotes ‘Universal Christ’

They went out from us, but they were not of us; for if they had been of us, they would no doubt have continued with us: but they went out, that they might be made manifest that they were not all of us. 1 John 2:19

Ex-‘Jesus Freak’ Kevin Max has announced on social media that he considers himself to be an “exvangelical” and that that he has been “deconstructing” his faith for years, for all intents and purposes revealing himself to have become a progressive pagan who has renounced orthodox Christianity and now holds to some weird form of belief in the “Universal Christ”.

Max, 53, who is best known as one-third of the trio DC Talk, has spent the last year taking potshots at “narrow minded-judgmental evangelicals” and got the ball rolling to an even greater degree on Twitter when he said:

He followed it up with a few more points of clarification, writing:

Lest there was any doubt, the singer, whose Twitter bio describes himself as a “Leftist” Mystic” and “Liberal”, also came out as Pro-LGBTQIA and in a later tweet came out as pro-choice (“Prolife with exceptions”)

He further posted this song lyric from a recent album, explaining that it encapsulates where is he is right now spiritually. He says he still “believes in Jesus” but it’s pretty evident it’s a deity of his own making, according to the lusts of his flesh, with his talk of the “glowing universal Christ.’

In an interview with Gabriel Jones, Kevin also explains that he no longer believes that the bible is literal or accurate or true, telling him:

“I believe in a God of the universe, and I believe that He can hear me. And that, in itself, is just plain kind of crazy. But if I believe that, then I truly believe that He cares about my progression and asking questions and wanting to know what is real and what isn’t real…I don’t think the God that I believe in is going to just all of a sudden ignore me because I don’t believe every single thing that’s written down somewhere.

Now is about as good a time as any to pray that in His providence, God saves him.

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As Big Eva Blames Christians for Asian Whorehouse Shooting, Be Reminded Of John 16:2

The argument that genuine evangelicals have been making for some time is that Social Religionists are not merely a ‘woke’ version of Christianity, but no Christianity at all. The evidence has been developing, but demonstrable, that those advocating for what they call Social Justice, a not-so-subtle rephrasing of the term Social Gospel which met less fanfare only a generation ago, have gone out from us because they did not belong to us and – in fact – were never of us.

Beth Moore’s admission last week regarding her departure from conservative evangelicalism that “it’s not who I am” – something genuine Christians have been saying for nearly a decade and up until now she has denied – serves as a paradigm shift of sorts.

Wolves have taken off their masks, now that careless shepherds have let them into the fold. There’s no longer any reason to play pretend, although for the sake of keeping up appearances and squeezing out every last dime from the weak housewives they’ve taken captive (2 Timothy 3:6), they may wink and nod toward their old mutton-mask of liberalism disguised as Biblical nuance. They are well within striking distance of the flock, and can finally bare their teeth with the honesty of Little Red Riding Hood’s super-predator, “The better to eat you with, my dear.”

We, and every discerner, has been trying to warn you for years that men like Tim Keller, Russell Moore, Albert Mohler (the Alpha wolf, more subtle but infinitely more powerful than all the others), Mark Dever, and Ligon Duncan are not of us. They are imposters, frauds, phonies, liars, deceivers, swindlers, doctrinal ravishers, and spiritual sluts in the harem of Babylon’s whore.

The evidence of their gross departures from Biblical orthodoxy could not be more evident, albeit is still denied. Their Autobahn by which their blitzkrieg of heresies have invaded evangelicalism include The Gospel Coalition, 9Marx, and the ERLC (and by extension, the Southern Baptist Convention), each feeding off the dollars that sincere but naive Christians continue to feed them under the assumption they’re our leaders and not our enemies. Each of these organizations played the long game for a decade or longer, at first appearing orthodox and steadfast, before turning their organizations into fag parades led by their Chief Priest, Sam Alberry, and his mile-long line of lesbians teaching us about human sexuality and hospitality.

Of course, their methodology has been seen before, but evangelicals have a short memory. J. Gresham Machen, in his 1923 book, Christianity and Liberalism, has already filleted their canine guts open to reveal their mutton-based diet, as well as their methodology.

The Princeton and Westminster professor of religion, who was born in 1881 and died in 1931, explained…

“The greatest menace to the Christian Church today comes not from the enemies outside, but from the enemies within; it comes from the presence within the Church of a type of faith and practice that is anti-Christian to the core.”

He goes on…

“The plain fact is that liberalism, whether it be true or false, is no mere ‘heresy’ – no mere divergence at isolated points from Christian teaching. On the contrary, it proceeds from a totally different root, and it constitutes, in essentials, a unitary system of its own…Christianity is being attacked from within by a movement which is anti-Christian to the core.”

The strategy of liberals, like Mohler, Dever, Duncan, Keller, Moore et al has not changed. They masquerade as conservatives as long as humanly possible, undermining Christianity behind the scenes and letting their leaven liberalize, all while presenting themselves as champions of conservatism until – at last – they have no other choice than to come out of the closet and slither from underneath their rock.

“[Subversive liberals] seek a place in the ministry that they may teach what is directly contrary to the Confession of Faith to which they subscribe. For that course of action, various excuses are made…if a man desires to combat the message instead of propagating it, he has no right, no matter how false the message may be to, to gain a vantage ground for combating it by making a declaration of his faith which – be it plainly spoke – is not true.”

One would think that Machen was describing the Social Religionists of our day. See below…

“The preacher comes forward, not out of a secret place of mediatation and power, not with the authority of God’s Word permeating his message, not with human wisdom pushed far into the background by the glory of the Cross, but with human opinions about the social problems of the hour or easy solutions of the vast problem of sin. Such is the sermon…Is there no refuge from strife? Is there no place where two or three can gather in Jesus’ name, to forget for the moment all those things that divide nation from nation and from race to race, to forget human pride, to forget the passions of war, to forget the puzzling problems of industrial strife, and to unite in over flowing gratitude at the foot of the Cross? If there be such a place, then that is the house of God and that is the gate of Heaven.”

The solution they present, of course – now as then in the first Communist uprising – is the redestribution of wealth. Social Religionists are nothing but Marxists in clerical collars.

THE ASIAN WHOREHOUSE SHOOTING

Pointing out that the “spa” was a whorehouse is as unpopular and inconvenient as pointing out that George Floyd was a violent crackhead self-murdered by Fentanyl, but liberals insist on blaming every evil upon racism. They’ve chosen their narrative, preemptively, of every crisis long before it happens.

Like with George Floyd, Michael Brown, Trayvon Martin, and so many more horrible thugs-turned-martyrs by the devil’s religion de jure, the narrative parades so far behind the facts that once discovered, reality can never catch up to the race march. This, of course, should not surprise us. But what’s particularly terrifying is that the Comintern “Christians” in Big Evangelicalism are pushing the narrative that sincere believers are to blame for this mass shooting.

Although it makes no difference whether most or all the women were whores (they were), the incident is tragic if, for no other reason that 8 souls split hell open. It’s a solemn reminder that our culture is wicked and that prostitutes were murdered should hardly be a shock in a nation that has given God the middle finger. It’s as predictable as crackheads dying in the gutter. It is sad, although not surprising.

Ultimately, this is not the story of a conservative evangelical Christian shooting at Asian ladies because he hated Asian ladies. It’s the story of a wicked man in a wicked culture shooting wicked people, the story of a culture that repeatedly sows in the flesh and reaps it (Galatians 6:8).

There is zero evidence – none, zilch, nada, zero – that the shooting was race-related. It was whore related (and still wrong). Whores shouldn’t get shot at. They should be evangelized, with a concerted effort to determine the difference between sex slaves and willing participants (for the sake of prosecution). Usually, it’s a mix of both.

They would have us believe that this man shot up a whorehouse because he embraced the church’s teaching on gender roles, but didn’t embrace their teaching against shooting up whorehouses.

Again, don’t shoot of whorehouses. Save your ammo for tyrants.

“CHRISTIANS” BLAMING CHRISTIANS

As our dear friends at Reformation Charlotte have pointed out, Big Eva leaders are busy blaming conservative Christians, hereafter simply designated as Christians, for the shooting. This includes Beth Moore and professional victimhood-milker, Rachael Denhollander, whose husband enjoys the full-time job of pimping out his wife as an empathy slave and human shield against insufferable liberalism.

I’m awaiting the day that evangelicals readily admit that what Denhollander, in particular, is doing to the Christian church is as vulgar as what Dr. Larry Nassar did to her. She is molesting holy things.

Denhollander indeed proves her prowess as a gymnast, because the dexterity and flexibility needed to jump through the logical hoops to link teaching on Biblical gender roles with shooting up whore houses is of Olympic proportions. It’s also vile.

She’s not the only one to allege that the man’s religious affiliation with a Founder’s Church (Southern Baptists who affirm the traditional Calvinistic teaching of Southern Baptist founders) has something to do with his murderous qualities.

Both Tisby and Denhollander have been bequeathed their central stage in the Cult of Woke Religion by 9Marx, the ERLC, the Gospel Coalition, and the Cominterns who run those subversive, anti-Christian organizations. And according to these folks, Complementarianism – the position of believers in the religion led by who the Bible calls [insert trigger warning] “patriarchs” – is to blame for this.

Not to be outdone, Jory Micah, the man-hating apostate is calling out faithful men as scapegoats for this shooting.

Let me be clear…there is absolutely nothing in the Holy Bible that would approve of such uncharitable and unfounded accusations toward Christ’s holy church as to blame it for the homicides of those who have darkened its doors.

I can only imagine our critics, if I cared to listen to them (and I do not), cry afoul about this post because it lacks charity. Let the reader be warned: These people are blaming Christians who hold to Biblical gender roles everywhere for a mass shooting, despite an utter lack of evidence tying the two together.

I call names (like Jesus did) but they accuse the brethren of murder without a scintilla of evidence. If you care about the tone of my article, you’re the problem. They are trying to kill us.

I repeat, they are trying to round us up, get us arrested, and ultimately, execute us. They are working for the other team. Consider earlier this week, Tim Keller explicitly blaming Christians for our children being persecuted in the public schools because we haven’t been nice enough to Sodomites.

Why else would The Gospel Coalition’s Thabiti Anyabwile (again, a product of Mohler and Dever’s influence and platform-sharing) – who argued that terrorists are not real Muslims – have argued yesterday that this shooter was indeed a real Christian? Literally, the man opined at length whether terrorists are real Muslims but derided people for even asking the question if this man was a real Christian.

None of these are the actions of Christians for the church but are the actions of Satanists against the church. I repeat, they are going to get us rounded up and exterminated to the sound of ‘amens’ in Southern Baptist seminaries.

Now consider the Scripture.

Indeed, the hour is coming when whoever kills you will think he is offering service to God (John 16:2).

Make no mistake about it, this sinister cabal currently in charge of every seminary in the Southern Baptist Convention and all of its entities, The Gospel Coalition, and 9Marx will serve as the devil’s apologists, providing support and a pseudo-theological impetus for our persecution.

These figures of liberal evangelicalism and Woke Religion are, even now, seeking to build a case for our extermination.