Kenneth Copeland Casts Away Bald Spots in Jesus Name


Kenneth Copeland, our favorite punching bag due to his punchably bad theology, played nice this time and engaged in some good old fashioned continuationists that would be right at home in the most mildest of charismatic churches.

The 81-year-old arch-heretic, still fresh from being dropped by TBN, getting hacked by Russian ransomeware thugs, and demonically laughing at the devil for 30 seconds, took the break from his usual litany of fantastically manic nonsensical teaching to have his congregation pray for spiritual deliverance from bald spots.

Thank goodness we have some more typical, saner charismatic fare like curing baldness or the healing of the bad back and unspecified leg pain.

Put your hand on your head like that. Bald spots, I call you gone! Hair! Grow! AHHHHHHH hahahahahaha. Hair! Grow!

This behavior occurred after Copeland did some bad math calculations, talking about a faith claim he made to keep his hair, and the Lord delivered. Ostensibly this prayer of follicular super-abundance would be available to everyone going forth and doing likewise:

“Dead hair follicles live, and not die be a testimony. Jesus said he was on earth that the hairs on my head are numbered. I make a faith claim for the exact number of hairs on my head that I had when I turned 30 years old, December 6, 1966, and stepped into the perfect will of God at Oral Robert University and I’m still in the perfect will of God…thank you and praise God. My hair is strong and in 2056 when I’m 120 I’ll have more hair than I have now and it’ll be stronger than it is now. “

4 thoughts on “Kenneth Copeland Casts Away Bald Spots in Jesus Name

  1. Praise God! My prayers for more hair have finally been answered from on high, or at least Newark, Texas!

  2. Kenneth at 81 has no gray hair? Obviously he colors it, because you can see the dye line around his temple. The question is Kenneth, did you not have enough faith to get God to put the color in too, or did you forget to ask?

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