Jim Bakker Offering 27,703 Servings of Apocalyptic Food for $10,000

Jim Bakker hasn’t had a very good 2020. First, he released a magical potion that was said to cure venereal diseases, AIDS and Coronavirus. This naturally got him into trouble with some very important people, with the New York Attorney General telling him to knock it off, and then the Missouri Attorney General filing a suit against the doomsday prophet, alleged rapist, and tax-evader for making his snake-oil cure-all claims that we’ve been complaining about at Protestia and Pulpit & Pen for years.

This resulted in Bakker having his money-processing companies cutting him off so that he was unable to process things sales from his store, having to process sales by cheque over the phone, and then declaring that he was near bankruptcy. A few months later the 80-year-old he had a stroke, took a sabbatical, and how he’s back on the horse doing his schtick. And what a shtick it is.

Bakker brings in “prophets” like Bill Johnson, Paula White, Rodney Howard Browne, or Jonathan Cahn who issue doomsday revelations. Then, Bakker sells survival supplies. However, he’s technically not “selling them.” He’s giving them in exchange for a “gift” as a gift-for-gift transfer. “Purchases” are actually tax-deductible gifts to his ministry and what is “sold” doesn’t have to have tax added on because it’s only a “gift” in exchange for their contribution. Doing so allows Jim Bakker to under-sell his doomsday profiteering competitors.

It’s in this spirit that we see he’s selling the motherlode on his website. Brought to our attention by the hive of scum and villainy that is Right Wing Watch, Bakker is selling what has been creatively described as Joseph’s Storehouse Food Offer for a whopping $10,000

That’s 115 buckets of Freeze-dried food which some reviewers have described as thusly: “Save for the pudding, the dishes were extremely salty and had odd, lingering aftertastes. We couldn’t agree on which was worse — the thick potato soup that felt like eating wet cement, the strong chemical overtones in the chocolate pudding or the disturbing radioactive orange of the macaroni and cheese.” One professional chef called it “one of the worst things I’ve ever eaten in my life.”

By all accounts, it’s tempting enough to make someone take the mark of the beast rather than forced to live off it in hiding.

Broken down, it would support a 100 member church for three months, assuming one serving per meal, thee times a day. At this rate, you’d be paying $0.36 per serving. It must be said, however, that this is more expensive than the bundle Bakker used to sell, the Peace of Mind Final Countdown Offer which had 31,000 servings of food for $4,500, or 0.14$ a serving.

Pray that thing never get so bad that you need to feast on Bakker’s Apocalyptic meal kit.

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