Kyle J. Howard Repents of All Racism, Joins James White at Apologia Church
In a move that has caught everyone off guard and left woke Christendom reeling, Kyle J. Howard, notorious race-baiter who is traumatized by his own shadow because it’s not black enough, took to social media to publicly repent of the obstreperous racism that he has carried on for so many years, declaring, “I finally believe that there is neither Jew nor Greek.”
Furthermore, in another shocking twist, Howard announced he’s planning on moving to Arizona in July to sit under Dr. James White, a man who only five years previous declared he would not feel safe meeting one-on-one to be mentored on how he can be an ally to white people.
When we reached out for comment, White affirmed the decision of Howard to move in order to sit under his tutelage and mentorship but then started going on and on about how many debates he’d done, how many tattoos he had, and something about Greek participles. We could not get in a word edgewise and hung up the phone after he started advocating for theonomy, concluding the interview.
Many of Howard’s friends have expressed their disbelief at his change of heart. Julie Roys, who is having him speak at her upcoming restore conference, lamented this on Facebook:
Dwight McKissic declared that Howard was persona non-grata with him from now on and was being ejected from the Facebook group “Secret Sadducees against the SBC.”
Perhaps the person most critical of them all was Beth Moore, who took to Twitter to express her disappointment with her oft-noted nephew, writing this status and tweeting out this photograph:
Howard, however, took on a more reflective and conciliar stance, noting:
I’m sorry, Beloved, but it’s clear to me that CRT is of the devil. This whole time I thought I was fighting racism, but I was only fighting myself. It’s evident, Beloved that I don’t understand what racism is, how it’s manifested, and how to identify it. I know many are disappointed that I won’t be able to help them advance the new notion that reparations are a gospel issue, but Beloved, I will be with you in the heart. In fact, I bought a Blue Lives Matter shirt to remind myself of this very thing.
Lastly, I’d like to offer a special apology to Protestia, who is my most Beloved of all. You are my precious. I know you’ve been detailing my many acts of malfeasance for years, warning others about my dark and deranged heart that sees microaggressions and racism under every rock. You were right to do so, to inform the masses of my leaven, and I endorse every one of your posts.”
As for what he will do for Arizona for employment, whether he has a job lined up or not while he sits under the tutelage of Dr. White and the folk at Apologia, Howard says he will continue his counseling sessions, as well as plans to form a new startup.
I already have a business idea. I will retrofit Trump 2020 MAGA hats to say “2024.” I can’t wait until that lovable rascal comes back on the scene—the greatest president of my lifetime. I should have treated him better. Donald – if you’re out there and you see this – I’m sorry.”
[Editor’s note: We would only post this today of all days.
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When I saw this headline, I thought, “Is the Bee?” Then once I got to the paragraph about James White (which was hilarious by the way), I knew for sure it was satire haha. Well done.
When I check the calendar, I see that it’s April 1. I wonder if it’s a coincidence?
I was halfway through this article thinking “This must be a Joke, Beth Moore would never be that honest”.
Good one. 😀
You had me for at least half the article, as well. Too bad it isn’t true.
I love the honesty about James White, though. Great play.
Bravo! Happy April Fools Day.
LOL, almost got me. Poor gullible me was fooled up to the Beth Moore tweet xD
Dang it. You got me. I was really hopeful. Then I read the part about White’s tatts. It then dawned on me.
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The reason why so many people in the comments said they got fooled is because they trusted you.
Haha, you got me at “but then started going on and on about how many debates he’d done, how many tattoos he had, and something about Greek participles. We could not get in a word edgewise and hung up the phone after he started advocating for theonomy, concluding the interview.” Haha well done!
It’s sad that he hasn’t repented and it’s equally sad that you think something like this is funny. I’m absolutely sure you wouldn’t do this about JD Hall (and in the highly unlikely event that you would it would be equally shameful).
This was great, but didn’t you do the same article last year on April Fool’s?
On another note, to better understand the madness with him you need to, in addition to Woke-ism, understand a vein of Woke-ism/leftism/anti-Christianity … which is Trauma Informed Care/Therapy.